Sunday, March 23, 2008

The Question Of Secrets.

I know a couple of you guys tuned in (lol!! I can see who does and who doesn't) and some called in asking for Ms. Onu. She had a family emergency and I found out about it when the show was over. But, we are still working at getting it to happen very VERY soon. So, I will
let you know when things calm down. But, do not hesitate to go pick her book -it is just 15 dollars and definitely a fun read (Do you think I should give them a bill for all this PR work I am doing for them?) Anyways, since Ms. Onu could not make it in, I decided to take call ins about other questions and we started discussing this whole issue of secrets in relationships.

Email:

A lady is about to get married very soon but her boyfriend does not know her secret - her secret is that she used to be an escort. That was how she paid her way and took care of her needs during university. Now, the question is should she tell him before she gets married? Tell him after marriage? Or never tell him?
-------------------
Book:
I read this book (Secret Society by Miasha (I believe it is one of those urban soul classics) - yes, I am trying to be a bit gangsta) about this man who used to dress up as a woman. Then he fell in love with this man, the day he decides to spill to the man in his life that he was a man. The man flipped and shot him and his friend. Now, should he have kept his mouth shut. No, this one is not about the morality of his sexual preference - this is about sex. Should he have kept his mouth shut?




Anyways, the men who called in, said, that it is a no, no, no. You should never spill your dirty secrets to your significant other or they will use it against you. They also said that men have veryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy longgggggggggggggggg memories.


An Anomaly:
A guy called in and said that a man is more willing to accept that his gf was an escort and slept with all these men than a woman accept such a thing. That is something to think about? What do you think?

Hmm...

Should we spill all our secrets to our significant others?

Is there a need for complete openness?

Do you guys agree with what the guy said - I really do not know about that?? Are men really willing to accept that?

Just click the image to read the cartoon - I promise you a laugh.
Have Your Say?

20 comments:

Fo said...

WOW! me first!! ...first of all u need get paid!! nothing goes for nothing...second..men cant stand ANYTHING,u tell a man the turth,expectn him to understnd,then he flips!!u dont tell him,thinking u protecting him,he finds out nd STILL flips...so wht does that leave u with???! like the saying goes,this worlds filled with mysteries and numerous rehtorical questns...

pamela said...

fo: lol!! u crazy!! :-D
Personally, I feel men jus enjoy flipping over something. They say women are the emotional ones...na wa o!!

:D

pamela said...

well, the book is a good read...so..I have no problems doing this but if it is for something that I hate...trust me, the incentive for going forward will definitely be money.

:-D

Uzezi said...

happy easter. for me, i think i will be open. though others think the past should be left alone, but there are some people who can never move on without the past being resolved. and should he leave me today cos of my openess, it will spare the future pain, when he finds out on his own and walks out the door.

pamela said...

hmmmm uzezi,
many guys do not agree with that o!!

some prefer not to know...

Anonymous said...

The nature of the secret dictates whether or not it should be kept or disclosed. In my opinion, being a former escort is too significant that keeping it a secret would be evil. Furthermore, she would NEVER be comfortable if it remain a secret. It will remain on her chest for ever and will force her to take 'crap' during the course of her marriage because of feelings of guilt. So she should be open and tell him and IF he truly loves her, then he will accept her as she is. She must give him a chance to make that decision and in the process, she will free herself from guilt.
ISSA.

pamela said...

" It will remain on her chest for ever and will force her to take 'crap' during the course of her marriage because of feelings of guilt"

that is different spin on it.


Thanks for bringing that up...

Oracle said...

Well, about being open.
I think itz necessary but not complete openess. There are things that she's meant to know and some should be kept secret.

The cartoon is funny.

Tears said...

was here >>>

Simi Speaks said...

ummm. tough one. my general rule is "the past is the past" unless it's some life-altering thing e.g a love child.

i wld like to think am marrying a guy who would accept all of me. so to answer your question. Yes, i would tell him.

but come o, am i marrying a 9ja man? umm. on 2nd thots, NO. wouldnt tell. chances are my clients were probably white anyway. No chances of him finding out.

But that's dishonest right? umm. ok. will tell him..

ok. let me stop. i stopped making sense! :-)

pamela said...

oracle: the guys agreed with your analysis

tears: welcome

simi me i no beleve in full exposure o!

Uzezi said...

came to see other ppl's view on this secret thing. but i still love being open sha.

guerreiranigeriana said...

hmmmnnn...i used to say honesty at all cost...but i have since changed...a friend had an experience which, prior to her experience, was a black and white issue...after her experience though, i realized there was some gray and green mixed in there too...

...i guess it depends on what is gained/lost by telling your past...does the man gain from this new knowledge?...does it change anything about her?...or is she telling him to relieve herself of the stress and burden him with that knowledge...

...if my boyfriend were to cheat on me once with someone, but he has no intention of doing such again and i have no way of ever finding out except for him, i don't want to know...yes, he will feel less guilt because it is off his chest...but now i will be left to second guess and doublethink-unnecessary stress...now, if he cheated and may cheat again, i need to know so i can leave his ass!!!...

...it depends on what is gained/lost/transferred in sharing the information...sticky, sticky question indeed...

guerreiranigeriana said...

and the cartoon was fantabulous!!!...and you should get paid for the pr...hehe...

pamela said...

uzezi -:-)


guerira: lol. So basically it depends on the situation right???

ibiluv said...

I believe good girls dont tell...........some things should be left unsaid......guys have very long memories and very good imaginations.its easier for a female to forgive a guys misdeeds....very rare to find a brother who can live with a woman's past..........its risky though...better he hears it from her

Eve said...

let the past remain in the past.

NigerianDramaQueen said...

There are some secrets that should stay just that: secrets. But I think something like that is something u should probably tell someone you are planning to marry. First of all, a marriage is already hard enough- you dont want to start it with fear, guilt and secrets. Second of all, you should be able to tell a man you are planning to spend the rest of your life with everything. If he accepts it, great. If he doesnt: better now than when ur married. Finally, if the man ever got to find out from someone else, he would feel that their relationship had been established on dishonesty and might begin to strongly question how much he can trust the chick.

pamela said...

ibiluv: interesting. Some guys believe the reverse.


eve: lol! that your blog ehn. I went to your blog site during my lunch time at work and lol, I started fearing that my boss might decide to take a look at my web history. Na wa! Hot na the word.

Nigerian drama queen: I will thinks so but some men cannot handle the truth o!! They want to tell themselves that they have an innocentiii(yes, I spelt it that way intentionally) for them hand o!!

princesa said...

ROTFLMAO!
Funny cartoon!

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