Could Your Man Be Cheating?

I know a couple of men started muttering when they came across this topic: “what is up with Pamela and these kinds of topics?”. Yes, I know I have approached this topic from several tangents in different write ups -”men like wolves, small house problem etc”. But, I realized, that there is still a lot more I have to say about this. Maybe, this will be my last write up on this, who knows? Okay, maybe till I come across something that ticks me off. Last week, I got a chance to talk to a guy friend of mine who I had lost contact with in years, and he let it slip that he knows that his daddy was cheating on his mother. I remember being in shock at the blase way he mentioned it. I know African men cheating in most of their love/lust relationships isn’t a new thing but the tone that this was mentioned, made me realize that to many African men - CHEATING IS NOT A BIG DEAL! Having to deal with this onslaught of emotions, I decided that I need to discuss this with my co host and friend on radio. Bringing my co host - Mwangi on and chatting with several Africans who were logged on, I realized that these two rules seem to be quite true of our men:

a) African men WILL CHEAT.

b)There is a cultural expectation for these men to cheat, as there is a cultural expectation for African women to forgive them and take them back.

At first, I was in shock at this feedback, because I am being told that as women, I should not expect simple givens like trust and ‘fidelity in a truly ‘committed’ relationship. So, my question really, if the situation were the reverse, “should I expect my man to be blase about it?”. Yes, I can hear the chuckles of some of the men at that statement. We know men will not put up with a cheating partner. I would have taken this further and called for an open relationship but that is a topic for another day.

Let’s deal with the basic question: Why do African men cheat?

a) simple answer: because they can and they can get away with it.

b) complicated answer: because they want to explore something extra, greed, insecurity.

Now, back to the main topic at hand: how do you know your man is cheating?

a) He picks up an argument every time - nothing seems to please him. The main reason for this is because, he is looking for an opportunity to connect with his new, “connection with the classic line, I am so misunderstood aka she doesn’t understand me but you do”.

b) Erratic behavior

c) You come across condoms in his car, his wallet or you notice that there are missing condoms in the pack.

d) He suddenly becomes too nice. For example, if you have a miserly man and all of a sudden he starts buying you stuff like there is no tomorrow, he is doing that to assuage his guilt.

e) He doesn’t notice you in your sexy get up aka freakum dress.

f) He suddenly becomes experimental in the bedroom.

g) calls you by another woman’s name during that moment.

h) Spends all his spare time on the phone with a particular female friend.

i) Raises hypothetical questions like, “do you think it is possible to love more than one person at one time?”.

j) wants more sex

k) wants less sex or no sex

l) turns off his cell phone when he’s home or with you or goes outside to make his phone call.

m) charger problems/lost cell phone/lost charger - being the reason you can’t get a hold of him for days.

I will end by quoting an African man who states -”if he’s African,he’ll probably cheat” and if you are a virgin and you are dating an African man - he’s probably cheating.

By the way - men could we change the lines a bit, if I hear, I am so misunderstood one more time - I will literally scream. oh yes, emotional cheating is still cheating.


Till next time,

Pammy

Ntjamrosie - Cameroonian Song Bird




Please, refer to Beyonce's Video below.

Saturday 3 - 4 pm New York Time On SARFMRADIO

As most people know, I had a blast talking to Ekene Onu on SARFMRADIO about a month or so ago. For those that followed that interview, we did talk about her book and ended up discussing relationships particularly from the Diasporan African perspective. I was so impressed that her answers were not the standard cookie cutter African woman answers but rather her answers showed an awareness of Africans in the diaspora, the expectations of Africans, knowledge, humor and most importantly wisdom.

I knew it was time to bring back the Lovers Lounge after my brief hiatus but I knew that it needed more of a vavavoom, I reached out to Ekene because of the reasons I mentioned earlier. I also reached out to L.A also known as Brown Suga, a co worker on SARFMRADIO. Brown Suga will be bringing in a modern day edge to the show. I reached out to Brown because I loved her bluntness and I knew she will say it as she saw it. We, three, dare I say it, independent women will be hosting a show every last Saturday of the month from 3pm -4pm (Eastern Standard/NY Time). Please, listen. I will love to know what your thoughts are and if you could call in and participate - that will be great.

The numbers are 212 283 3866 and 1877 SARFM35. You can also send us an email at
thelovedoctors@bigstring.com. (yes, cheeky and quaint).


To listen in:
a) www.sarfmradio.com
b)http://stream.netro.ca/sarfmradio
c)http://www.myspace.com/sarfm540



If there are any typos..abegi sorry...

cough! cough!

Take Care,
pammy

When Pamela isn't being naughty....

She is at the African day parade...showing off her newly acquired...ehm....ehm...ehm...

Well, just enjoy these pictures!!

thanks,
Pammy

If you want to know more about my thoughts and experiences at the event...you can click here..but only if you want to....