Friday, April 11, 2008

When Mothers Are Co-Conspirators.

Anyways sha, last weekend, I decided to go the Caribbean route and watch a nice movie from Jamaica called "dance hall queen". It is an old movie which came out about a decade ago. The story is about a single mother who was trying to raise her children to the best of her ability by selling her wares on the road side. She decides to be a dance hall queen in the hopes that she will have enough money to get her children out of poverty. She is complacent when her daughter gets raped by an "uncle" and actually encourages her daughter to continue sleeping with the man - in the hopes that he will remain the family's God Father.

When I watched this part of the movie, I was so sad because when I think of mothers -I think more of a mother hen who is protective of her children and will not let anyone harm them and here is this mother passing on her little chickling to a wolf just for money. This isn't the first time that I have come across this idea.

My question is:
When is it right for a mother to become complacent when her child is going through either psychological, physical or mental harm?



--------------

Jay: Sorry O! I will send you an email today (at night).

Bloggers: No worries, tonight - I shall visit all the blogs that I have missed.


Dance Hall Queen (Jamaica)

29 comments:

Afrobabe said...

Firsssssssssssssssssssssssssstttt :-)

Afrobabe said...

That is very sad....I dont know what to say...I had a friend in uni who was practically a breadwinner for her family...Her mum never asked her where the money came from and I felt it was really sad...she willingly collected the money....we all knew our friend was sleepin with rich married men cos she had to....

I guess sometimes poverty can drive u to the very edge of reasoning...

princesa said...

A mother should NEVER be complacent! There is no excuse for that in any way not even poverty.

How body?

nneoma said...

this movie looks incredibly interesting - ho do i get a copy or rent it.

yeah, i echo the sentiments above that a mother should not be complacent ever. this was just cold-hearted on the part of the mother.

nneoma said...

i just finished watching it now. i think the mother redeemed herself. unfortunately happy endings like this rarely occur in real life

pamela said...

Afrobabe: Na wa o! Look at how you just appeared (TADA!) on my blog page. LOL!! But, I hear stories like that every time. You even see them in Naija movies.

Princesa: I agree a mother should never be complacent. But there are some women that believe that "na suffer head make crayfish bend" meaning a bad situation could make a person go a different route than what is right.

pamela said...

Nneoma: There you are - long time!Yes, she redeemed herself in the end BUT because she played with the idea in the first place - I am more critical about her redemption.

I agree, happy endings like this rarely occur in real life. :-(

Jaycee said...

sadddddd!!! (Abt complacent mothers who do not care abt their children to consider their emotional tumoil)...

Irk!

Jaycee said...

"After em get pum-pum dem want money too?"

Jamaican accent is sweet...it's like some really razz pidgin English...yeah man!!!

guerreiranigeriana said...

ah ah!!..who asked you to come and delete that your second comment on my last post ehn?...i was going to respond because you made a good point...oh well...who told you to go to ny?...we were supposed to go and see the mami wata exhibition at ucla's fowler museum...have you gone to see it yet?..

...regarding the very serious topic of your post...ideally, a mother should never be complacent when her child is going through psychological, physical, sexual or mental harm...but the sad part is that many a woman who are mothers are themselves psychologically, mentally, physically or sexually hurt and unhealed...some may be so numb as to not even recognize the harm they are inflicting on their own daughter...like a vicious sick cycle...it still isn't okay...i haven't watched the movie but i have heard and seen this alot...tis very sad...

...do have fun in ny...the people there are also beautiful!!!...hurry and come back safely o!!!...

For the love of me said...

A mother should never be complacent. Never. It is a sad situation and I have seen it happen many times.
How you dey?

Standtall said...

Sad... may be that's why I just want to have 1 or 2 kids or no kids at all apart from my cats (lol). Though I must adopt one kid.

Naapali said...

I agree with G. Nigeriana; all rational people will say that no mother/father should be complacent in the suffering of their offspring but some people are so numb or twisted that they not only permit but promote the abuse and suffering of their own.

Lolu Kush (Afronuts) said...

There are lots of mothers who have going thru similar challenges of surviving but have never gone complacent. They stayed strong and braved the odds.

Any lady who throws away value and integrity for money and goes complacent is a weak woman.

Ms. Catwalq said...

No time should a mother be complacent...however, there might come a time that you might foresee your child butting heads with the wall and you step back because a lesson needs to be learned. You cannot do everything for ur kid and some experiences are necessary for them to have to build them into the kind of human beings they want to be

In this case, the mother was just wrong...

pamela said...

Jaycee - you can imagine this conversation taking place in the market place with its associated clapping of hands and hissing.
guerrianigeriana: Why do I imagine you as being quite bohemian??

pamela said...

for the love of me: true

stand tall: lol, the infernal question of how many kids? one, two, twenty ten??

naapali: sometimes, it goes beyond being twisted to actually having a strong need. In this case - the mother needed to take care of her kids, her daughter's beauty offered her a means of subsidizing her income and she chose to go that route

pamela said...

lola kush: okay o!

ms catwalq: that is very true...

EXSENO said...

It's never alright. A Mother is suppose to be your protector not your pimp. I would have beat the bastard and filed charges on him. She is no Mother.

OluwaDee said...

It is never right n should not be encouraged @ all.

Free-flowing Florida said...

i watched a movie abt 4 years ago, ddnt enjoy it so much so d language was rough & their manners even rougher. but u have 2 understand dat poverty does a hell of thing 2 people's psyche. am not condoning it, but am also not too harsh 2 crucify it. do u think it's better dat a mother withdraws a child 4rm sch 4 her 2 hawk goodies on d streets? no, it isn't in any way. @ least with d 'queen' it is one man, whom she knows, but 4 d latter it could be anyone - from d customers in their flashy cars, to bus drivers, bus conductors, mechanics, mad pple, passer-bys - anyone! it's very sad indeed

pamela said...

exseno: thank you o!


oluwadee: it shouldn't be encouraged but unfortunately that is a reality.



Freeflowing : thank you for bringing a different perspective.

SOLOMONSYDELLE said...

Dance Hall Queen is a good movie that touches on many important issues.

The harsh reality is that women carry the world on our shoulders, we must be mothers, wives, daughters, friends, leaders, counselors, lovers and everything in between. But the most important thing is that a woman must be a fierce protector of her den. That den includes her family and close friends. To fail in this regard is to fail completely as a woman. Especially, when it comes to children.Our primary duty is to preserve their innocence, love them, and prepare them or the world. Some fail these objectives by mistake, but for those who turn a blond eye to their duties, well, I'll stop there.

Nice post, as usual, Pammy!

Uzezi said...

saw that movie back then
today, there are things some mother's will do.
i know one who just her husband three years ago, she is encouraging her daughters, young daughters to date men and bring money home. the first daughter had to leave home cos she couldn't live like that. her seventeen year old is about to become a second wife to some old guy.
well, thank God not all mothers are this way, some will work dawn till dusk to provide for her kids and always pprotect them.

guerreiranigeriana said...

bohemian huh?...what has led you to such a conclusion?...

Jaybabe said...

So sad. But i cant do something like that to my daughter coz my mum has never allowed anything of that sort to happen with me. Thats really uncalled for.

I'm still waiting for my email oo! Abeg..

pamela said...

solomonsydelle: I agree with you !


uzezi: Unfortunately, I have heard those stories so many times - it goes beyond Nigerian movies, it happens in real life.

pamela said...

Jay: I will send that email - no worries o!!

:-)

Don Thieme said...

This is never right, but is unfortunately a universal story. There is in fact an American country song with this plot. The younger is called "Fancy" and she is sent off to the big city to take up with gentlemen and send the money back home.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q4ZCrMESar8

My thoughts on "2017 New Years Resolutions for White Guys | MTV News"

My thoughts a) Stop tarring everyone with the same brush - not all Caucasians fit the stereotype.  If you get offended when someone mak...