New Year's Eve, New Years day and other bits and pieces ...can we say friends with benefits.

Well, 2008 is over and that was a year full of ups and downs. 2009 has begun and no I did not make any resolutions. Resolutions to me are like broken promises that bring you down when you go back for a review. My new year's eve I partied not too hard but I partied. New Years day...I slept and tried to make calls or resorted to my favorite thing - texting.... So what are my plans for this new year...

a) More controversial write ups on Zimbabwemetro. (Please, do not hesitate to refer blogs to me or send me issues that you want feed back). The email is pamelastitch@zimbabwemetro.com

b)African Diasporan issues on Zimnetradio. My radio home which I love, love, love with all its dramas and everything....lol!!! You guys should really check it out.. the shows on there are really outstanding. I am on 2 am UK time Sunday and Monday or 9 pm EST (usa) Saturday and Sunday...(fingers crossed that it remains so). I love the absolute freedom I have to play music that I want and talk about issues that I feel needs to be addressed. The people who run that radio station rock!! (2/3). Of course, my adopted baby brother (Mwangi) will be with me from time to time. If there is an artist that you feel really needs to be played, a topic that needs to be addressed...please, send to djpam@zimnetradio.com


c)My adopted project baby which I love and adore even though I am sure Caretaker probably has grey hair because of me and my being so particular about stuff....:D Africanloft....yep!! Interviews with up coming, established African artists, writers etc. If there is a book you feel I need to read, an artist or actor or musician that you feel really needs the limelight. Please, send me an email at pamelastitch@yahoo.com

The wonderful thing about all these projects is that according to certain rating system used by marketers and business people, these sites are heavily visited and really, I encourage you to listen, read, talk and always give feed back.


First Issue of the new year:
So I read a blog on this 'friends with benefits issue' and I really had to talk about this last week on air. According to a listener who got back to me, in the United States for those in the 18 -30 years age bracket, 1 in every 4 people within this age group have had or will have a friend with benefit. Have I?? Hmmmmmm...

Anyways, I took her blog (with permission of course), edited and talked about it. Now...read and let me know what your thoughts are on how to address this...

For those considering this option, ehow states that this is how to handle such a scenario. Click ehow

if you need to drop me a comment - facebook is where I am at Pamela Stitch.
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HER BLOG
This is new for me but I have been vacillating between hatred, anger and resignation and I knew that if I didn’t put it out here and release it I will silently go mad. I am in my twenties, single and I have been in a ‘friends with benefits relationship for the past three years”.

Often times, I sit down and wonder - how I got myself into this? Was it love, infatuation, sense of invisibility or the fact that I thought I was too rational to get emotionally entangled.

Our problem started three years ago, we had been friends since our first day in high school. There was something about him that just drew me - maybe it was his ability to keep up with me or his sense of humor or the commonality of our backgrounds. He was another African face in a predominately Caucasian high school. I could just be myself around him. He was from a different African country than I was from but he was my best friend. .

Fast forward to Undergrad, we ended up in the same school, same department, same program - it was a given that we will remain friend. It seems our friendship got stronger until that fateful night when it all changed. It was new years eve and we had decided to hang out at a friend’s house party to bring in the new year. I really do not know if it was the alcohol or maybe it was that we were lonely since we didn’t have any partners at that moment. It was a given that we were going to have sex that night and we did.

Waking up the next morning, in his bedroom, knowing that I had slept with my best friend shook me to the core. How do I behave? How do I relate? Have the rules changed? Will I still be able to call him up to speak to him about my deepest and darkest thoughts? What do I do? I knew we had to talk. We spoke and we both decided that we were too young for any form of committed relationship - we wanted to have some fun. We made up our mind to keep it light and easy. But every time, we spent time alone, we ended up having sex with each other. We then decided that the best move was to keep our relationship light but to maintain our friendship but keep the sex going. I have to admit he is good in bed.

Now here I am, three years later, crying on my bed. Wondering how I could I have made such a mistake? How I could be so naive? Why had I never confronted him? I just found out - he is getting married to someone from his hometown - at least that will explain his sudden need to travel home during Christmas. He is getting married to a woman whom he claims he loves.

I am so hurt.

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this brings me back to the question:
a) is it possible to have a friend’s with benefits relationship without someone getting hurt?
b) who benefits the most from this scenario?
c) For women: how can you walk away from this scenario without getting hurt?
d) Is there any time when this is mutually beneficial?
e) What will you advice in this scenario?
f) is it possible to turn a relationship such as this to a real relationship?